Setting Relationships Right
An excerpt from the book Governing Business and Relationships by A. Parthasarathy.
In life, be it business or family, you need to relate properly to whomever and whatever you contact. A lack of proper relationship would lead you to frustration and build up your
stress. Ironically, people take utmost care to choose the ‘right partner’, official or domestic, but quite ignore the importance of the ‘right relation’ with that person. It is not whom or what you meet in life that matters but how you meet it. The great Greek philosopher, Socrates, drives home this point brilliantly. A young man sought the master’s opinion about his decision to get married. The master shot out his advice, “By all means get married, if you do get a good wife you will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher!” So all through life your accent is on finding the right partner or environment instead of learning the art of relating to it.
A knife is indispensable in a home. The family uses it everyday in the kitchen. But the same knife has been put to a horrifying use of stabbing a member of the family. A knife per se cannot be labelled as beneficial or detrimental to the user. It would depend upon how one relates to it. So is it with any partnership. If you relate to the person wisely you create a heaven out of the relationship. If not, your unintelligent relationship turns hellish. Heaven and hell are therefore not geographical places. They are mere states of your mind. You make yourself. You mar yourself. You are the architect of your fortune. You are the architect of your misfortune. All you need to do is set a right, healthy relationship with the world you contact.
Streamline Your Relation
In the course of life you meet different types of people, situations and environments. When your intellect is weak your mind is affected by external fluctuations. You become upset. But with a strong intellect you could deal with them objectively. Understand their inherent nature and relate to them appropriately. Whenever you cannot change the flow, get into the flow and make the best out of it. A bad workman complains of his tools. Be a perfect craftsman, get on to your job with the tools you have. Be a master, not a slave to external challenges.
You then maintain your objectivity in life. As you lose objectivity, the intellect’s control over the mind, you become impulsive. And with further loss of control of the mind you could turn eccentric, even hysterical. End up in a pathetic equation with the world. As the intellect loses its strength the mind takes over your personality. Your mind becomes emotionally involved, obsessed with the business at work and attached, infatuated with the family at home. This sickening state of mind is the killer of all relationships. It ruins your success and progress at work, your peace and happiness at home. When the mind is overwhelmed with impulses and emotions the intellect becomes ineffectual. As a result business is impaired. At home, spouses become infatuated with one another. And suffer from severe attachment and possessiveness. They get suffocatingly close and their relationship ends up in separation. Kahlil Gibran, the Lebanese American philosopher puts this idea across beautifully:
Marriage is like a temple resting on two pillars. If they come too close to each other the temple will collapse. Your affection therefore should not be restricted to the members of your family alone. Your home should be the centre and not the boundary of your affection.
To set your relationships right with the world at large you need to observe certain disciplines. They are fundamental human controls and restraints, which help build a sound and healthy relationship. When these are neglected any relationship would wither and come to an end.