All Good News

The word “SHOULD” By Veera Mahajan


SHOULD can be a word used as a form of abuse if directed towards someone else. If I use it as “he/she/they should do something” I am showing my expectation of them. I am asking someone else to do something that I expect for my happiness/satisfaction. I am asking and expecting someone else to do that I think he/she/they should do to make me happy or he/she/they should not do, to stop hurting me.  In the process, I am hurting myself because my expectations are not fulfilled and that is making me feel miserable.

For years, I asked my husband to love me and my children the way I thought he should love us. I knew that he was hurting us physically, emotionally and verbally. I expected, hoped and begged him to stop hurting us because I thought he was only one who could, and should stop hurting us. I waited and suffered many years of pain because I asked him to stop hurting us but that is what I thought he should do. He thought he was fine the way he was.

The word “should” is the pre-requisite of the word “will”. I will not do anything unless I believe I should. So was true for him. It didn’t matter what I thought he should do, he would not have done and he didn’t stop hurting us because he did not see how he was hurting us and he did not believe that he SHOULD change.

I did not look at the word closely enough to realize what the world of difference the same word could have made if only I used it as “I should” instead of “he should”. Instead of using as the word for wishing, I could have used the same word as my power. I was only hurting myself, by always hoping, “he should stop hurting us”. I was giving him all the power of ending the abuse, while I could have turned it around any time. All I had to do was start thinking in terms of “I should stop taking the abuse”. The day I did, I
was able to stop the abuse for me and my sons. I was able to walk away and end a long cycle of crying, begging and feeling bad. I told myself “I should do something about it” and I did. I took the power back in my hands. I ended the abuse for myself and my sons and am sitting in my own power of freedom.

All I had to do was, use the wonderful and powerful words “I should” and take responsibility for my happiness. Instead of waiting for what “he should do” to make me happy, I took charge of doing what “I should do” for me to be happy. Once I believed what I should do, I did.

I am Free!

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